The worst thing in life is feeling alone.. Alone to the point where you don’t think living is necessary anymore.
I am literally disgusted by who I am and what I am. When I was little, I was always such an ugly child, and I always use to tell myself that when I grew up, I would be beautiful.. Well guess what? I’m still so ugly. Not just physically ugly. I’m ugly inside and out. It sucks. I honestly wonder how it’s possible that I have a boyfriend. I feel like he just pretends to like me so that he can experience his senior year with a girl friend and the perks that come with having a girlfriend. I’m not saying he is doing anything wrong.. I feel like it’s all me. I’m so lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend, but I feel so terrible for him because he’s stuck with me… Guys want to have a girlfriend they can brag about.. But there’s nothing about me that he can brag about. I’m extremely fat (and constantly gaining weight) I can’t wear a normal bathing suit, I have cuts and scars covering my body, I have stretch marks, fat rolls, and zits. One of my front teeth is longer than the other, and I have extreme thunder thighs and huge calves. Literally, every detail of who I am is disgusting. All the things I listed were things on the outside.. The inside is even worse. I am literally the biggest bitch ever. I complain too much, and I have extreme depression problems. I try my best to hold it in, but all the time I’m thinking of dying. I think of all the ways I could kill myself.. I think of huge scenarios in my head of how I would die, if it would hurt, and what people’s reactions would be. I haven’t cut or burned myself in a long time.. But I think about it every day. The urge I get to do it is so uncontrollable sometimes. I am a really fucked up person. Everything about me is beyond fucked up. Who can love me if I don’t love myself? I I feel horrible for people who have to put up with the person I am. Anybody reading this, I’m sorry. I just really, really, really needed to get that out. I’m done trying. I’m just going to accept the fact that I will never be okay, look okay, act okay.. Nothing is okay when it comes to me. I’m sorry I can’t be enough.